After checking my own profile vis a vis the Flexxo blog (and who wouldn't want to learn more about the degenerate who works on Flexxo?), I realized I hadn't posted to this damn thing yet. Maybe if I write more here, I'll feel less compelled to get long winded on the Flexxo blog. Not likely though considering that writing begets more writing. Whatever, if you're willingly reading something titled "Diary of a Bastard", I doubt you've got anything pressing going on.
Lucky for you though, this is one of those rare occasions where I actually have something to write about. And it ties in nicely with the whole DoaB thing. And here it is.
The other night, I was out with my buddy while he walked his dog. As we talked about dog shit and poker, we noticed a couple hood rats admiring a highway overpass and looking remarkably guilty. When they finally realized it would probably be better to not stand there and look guilty, they stashed a couple cans of spray paint behind a concrete divider and left.
Now, my buddies work van had recently been vandalized, maybe even by the very same hood rats. Of course, the conversation shifted from dog shit and poker to how we could fuck these two kids. Taking their shit was the first idea but way too uninspired. Calling the cops and waiting til they came back to pick their cans up was also less than inspiring. Gradually, the conversation drifted back to dog shit (we were in a dog park). That's when genius struck.
"What if we take the cans, cover them in dog shit, and then put them back?"
And thus was hatched the finest idea I've had in a while. Of course, that's exactly what we did. My friend managed to smear a fair amount of frustration on those cans. So, we smeared, stashed and waited.
An hour goes by and nothing. We were just about ready to call it a night and leave it to our imaginations how the rest of their night went when fortune struck. They returned! Hooray for patience! So they return to their little stake out spot and go back to looking guilty. Within a couple minutes, they got tired of looking guilty and snatched up the cans in two swift motions. ::Snatch! -> Hand into pocket!:: ::Snatch! -> Hand into pocket:: And then they were off.
I'm not sure how far they got before they realized what had been done. I'd like to think they carried those foul cans around for a while. Regardless, it was at least after they were out of shouting distance otherwise I'm sure we woulda heard them. Satisfaction doesn't even begin to describe the emotion.
So there it is friends: The first entry for the DoaB. I doubt the rest of this blog will prove as awesome but, like many trends in a man's life, I plan on peaking early.
Stay stiff and rock on, friends.
Rob
