Twas a fine day (and there was much rejoicing)

Greetings and good morning. Now that it's officially Saturday, I can reflect back on the Friday that was and smile. In the immortal words of Ice Cube, I gotta say it was a good day. Here's the thing though: it didn't strike me as such a good day until I stopped to reflect on it.

Think about that for a second. I didn't realize I had a good day (an exceptional day even) until I actually stopped and itemized it. What a sad life I lead, sometimes. But on to greener pastures...

All in all, a good week actually. Had Monday and Tuesday off, eased myself back into a work schedule Wednesday thru Friday. Started writing recreationally again. Worked on Flexxo. Recorded a couple song demos. All in all, surprisingly good. I think some life style changes are starting to pay off (in spite of my skepticism).

Since early February, I've been trying to be less of a bastard (with mixed results). A big part of that has involved not drinking like a homeless wino. The results have been something of a mixed bag for me, honestly. On the one hand, I feel something of a fog lifting (10 years of crazy person drinking will do that). I finally feel I'm able to do the things I've long been capable of but have been incompetent to complete. That's a nice feeling.

On the other hand however, having a clear head for consecutive days has been a real eye opening experience for me. Makes me realize how much I've actually fucked up. Makes me want to drink more and pretend I never noticed. The irony (for me, at least), has been delicious, in case you were wondering. I was personally staggered to find out how much a person can ignore when they're in a semi-constant stupor.

Well, as anyone who's talked me (ever) knows, staying dry full time isn't really an option. But at the same time, going back to being a 90 proof asshole isn't an option either (I'm sure that surprises a few people). So how would a person balance this dichotomy of character? No really, I'm asking.

So far, the best I've come up with is trying to not drink just because I can. Having a clearer head has encouraged me to take on intellectual pursuits I might not have otherwise tempted. I like that. Now, I'll just try to drink when I want to with an understanding that I don't want to drink as much as I used to. If I can keep that up, I think I'll (finally) be OK.

There. That's probably the closest I'll come to a diary entry, ever. If I'm smart.

I like writing. If I can retain the discipline to exercise that skill, I think I'll be a better, more adjusted human being for it. I may still hate people (as a rule of thumb), but at least I won't be the bitter, alcohol soaked asshole I was before and I might actually have a leg to stand on when I look at the world around me with contempt. That might actually be good for me.

Anyway, that's enough of this confessional for one night. Rock on, rock stars.

Stay stiff and rock hard,
Rob